11:36 a.m. - 2006-07-18
What the hell is he doing?
Hmmm....
He keeps checking my diary. I'm sure it's because he wants to see if I write anything about him.
Go check out my site meter.
The guy checks my diary(the other diary, not this one) 10 times a day!
Does he have an ego or what?
http://www.sitemeter.com/?a=stats&s=s25tree715&r=8
He's the one that has isp
75.4.150. and 75.4.170.##
Do You see how many times he checks it?
Kind of rediculous...no?
Lets see how long this goes on. I'm not going to write anything about him.
I think I am going to give him time to miss me....or at least time not to read about himself.LOL
6:50 p.m. - 2006-07-16
Testing this shit out
Testing this weblog thing. Not sure how it's going to look. I guess you have to scoll down to view all the entries?
Don't know...
6:17 p.m. - 2006-07-16
This is why...
Hey
I kind of need some advice...or maybe a just a good kick in the head...I don't know.
LOL
It's about FWB...also known as Tony.
Well, the truth is, I'm hung up on the guy, and I am trying so hard not to be.
He doesn't feel anything for me but 'friends'...
We have/had a 'friends with benefits' thing going on probably since April.
I'll give you the gist of what is going on...
I've had feelings for him probably since January. I kinda hinted around at it, and he got scared off, and we didn't talk for a month or so. Oh well... so I thought. Nothing is going to come of this...
March or April comes around, and he e-mails me out of the blue and tells me he misses being friends with me and he misses talking to me.
We had talked about the 'friends with benfits' thing before. We had always been pretty open with each other. We get along great. But he didn't want a girlfriend.
At that point in my life, I decided I didn't REALLY need a boyfriend either...but I REALLY wanted sex.LOL
Who to be the perfect partner? Someone I'm already open with and we understand each other.
I was fine with the whole situation. We hooked up, we went home for the night. Nothing more was expected. Just sex. No romance..etc.
We still continued to talk and do the occasional hook up.
Like I said we talked openly. He would tell me who he is interested in, and I would tell him about my latest 'crush' or whatever.
Kind of counseling each other in the relationship department.
A couple of days ago, he said that he thinks we should take a break from the sex part, but still remain friends. I know he likes this girl, and I'm sure he wants to get something started with her.
For some reason I panicked!
Holy crap! Do I really feel something for him? Why is he cutting me off?
10 million things went through my head at once.
I really didn't think about it before, a whole lot. I was kind of seeing someone(no sex yet) and Tony and I just have the occasional 'hook up'.
I was comfortable with that situation.
Like I said, I panicked.
I did something really stupid...
I wrote him this long-ass e-mail pretty much professing how I feel about him.
It sounded pathetic and I asked him if he would consider us getting together, on a romantic level.
Like I suspected, he was really nice about it, but he turned me down. He doesn't feel that way about me.
We are somewhat cool right now.
We still talk, the occasional 'Hi, have a great weekend', whatever.
I think I have this thing, where If I already have something, I'm not gung-ho and don't think about it much. But if it suddenly becomes out of reach, I know I can't have it...that's all I concetrate on!And I want it even more.
Tony is all I have been thinking about. I know I can't have him...it's making me want him more.
I wanted so much for him to pay attention to me, to feel the same way, that I have been sabatoging all my dates and other guys that have been showing interest in me.
I don't want to feel this way. I know it's useless and a waste of time having feelings for someone that doesn't have them back.
I just wish someone would tell it to my heart...
I went as far as screwing around friday night with someone from work. The guy just broke up with his girlfriend...we were both willing and it happened. Nothing is going to come of it. I don't feel anything for him and I know he still has a thing for his girlfriend.
It was the first, and last time, we decided.
Never in my life have I done something like that.
All I thought about was Tony the whole time.
I'm such a goof! I can't believe I am so hung up over a guy like this! It's really bothering me.
What do you think I should do?
I'm scared to death of dating. I'm really afraid to meet up with someone. I've had plenty of opportunity, but I chicken out at the last minute.
I know I have to get over this. I can't keep thinking about him. I'm wasting my time.
I'm pretty broken hearted right now, and I don't know what to do.
I'm more sensible than this! It's actually pissing me off!LOL
If you have any advice for a poor pathetic love-sick fool...I wish you would clue me in.LOL
~me
